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No-one mourns the wicked

7/14/08 06:50 pm - Update, finally

Hello, all you people out there in internet-land.

I haven't posted in 40 weeks according to my info. Interestingly enough, tons of stuff has been happening but I guess I haven't had any reason to write. Thankfully a new friend added has made me want to converse with the world again. It's funny how stuff like that happens.

So, my life in the past 40 weeks. In the time it takes to create a new baby, I have:

 - Had 2 operations on my foot. One to put metal in there and another 6 months later to take the metal out again. Damn doctors! Make up your mind. Do you want me to be a robot or not?
 - Gone back to uni. I finally got into a Bachelor of Psychology and am in my first year. I wasn't gone for long, but it felt like forever. I'm really stressing about some upcoming exams I have to retake, but I'm hoping and praying. And studying, a bit. 
- Lost contact with pretty much everyone I know. It wasn't a conscious choice. Everyone has lives and we all kinda fell out of touch. I don't have any friends at uni, so life is a bit lonely atm, but I am hopeful for next semester.
- Decided that I'm going to get a few body mods. Definitely some piercings. I can hear my old school friends crying "But what about your hospital stay after your last one?". I've been doing a lot of research about it and there were so many things that I did wrong that I refuse to take it lying down. This time I'm going to a reputable piercing studio and taking all necessary precautions. I'm still chicken about it, so it'll probably be awhile. Once it's done, I'll post some epic thing about it, including pics.
- Paid less attention to my religion than I'd like. In times of crisis, I tend to recede into myself. It would make sense that when that occurs, religion would be an obvious place to turn. But it seems I turn from everything in my life, not just people. Once I get my mind sorted, I hopefully will be in a better state to participate in life again. All aspects of life, rather than just the ones I can handle.
 - Become absolutely obsessed with cross stitching. It seems like such a grandma hobby but with my bad feet, it's perfect. I started an epic cross stitch in February of Impossible Love. I'm only 6 pages in, and it's 30 pages long, but it's so much fun. I'm not an artist, by any stretch of the imagination, so to watch a piece of art come to life in front of me is exhilarating. I'll post a picture of it when I finish. It'll probably be sometime in the next year or so. It is huge.

That's probably about it for now, but maybe I'll think of more later. Just writing all this down has made me realise I've been through a lot, but I'm tired of neglecting my life just because I have a disability. Sure it's new, but it's nothing I haven't dealt with before. I'm not sure if my operations have worked or not, but even if they haven't, I should get used to living life as it is, rather than as I want it. That doesn't mean I can't manipulate my current situation to turn out how I want it to in the future.

Happily, for the first time in ages,


7/15/07 09:46 am - Ahahahahaha

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6/18/07 10:42 pm - Letter Graveyard

So, I found this community where people write letters, and thought I'd give it a go. I'm aware it should be anonymous, but I dont care.

So here goes nothing...

Dear You,

I'm losing her. I have no idea how to get her back.

I feel like I've known her for my whole life, and now she wont even look me in the eye. Am I that terrible?

She feels like she's all alone, and I'm here, but she's so wrapped up in everything that she can't see it. She doesn't want to get out of bed in the morning, and she doesn't want to sleep at night. Everything is so hard, and I understand, but it's too much for her.

I know she wont give up, because she's stronger than that, but just existing isn't helping either. Depression is this fierce cycle that feeds on itself, and it's one big spiral down. Please, help me find her. Help me bring her back to the light. It can be really pretty in reality. Sometimes, fantasy isn't better.

Getting all of this down has, oddly, has made some sort of a difference. I can feel it. I know, later, she'll read this, and she'll know that I really do care.

This is so applicable to so many people, but you know who this is about. 

Come back to me. It's no fun in the dark all alone. At least, up here, there's enough light to cross stitch.

Sam, wake up.

Love, your inner goddess.

5/18/07 11:53 am

I'm 19 today.

I got a *HUGE* bag of strawberries and cream lollies. it's something like 1.3 kg worth ^_^ I'm going to be soooooooo hyper.

My sister gave me some cat earrings and a beautiful statue of a Buddha made of Jade. It's gorgeous. I love it so.

My parents bought me a copy of a beautiful artwork by Selina Fenech. It's autographed! *swoons*

And i got sea monkeys. I hatched them today, so we have the same birthday. They're tiiiiiiiiiiiiiny little specks in their habitat, but they'll get bigger. After all, they're only babies.

On the weekend my friends are coming over to watch movies, and my friend Jess form Germany is staying the night. I'm really excited about it ^_^

That's all for now, more presents when i get back from Tamworth next weekend.

Love love

5/16/07 07:44 pm

"I've told myself I wont miss you, but I remember what it feels like beside you:  -- Hinder, "Better Than Me"

I'm lonely.

And, I was okay with you not being here for my birthday. When it was only a possibility.

You've been gone for 6 days, and my birthday is on Friday.

You wont be back for another 11 days, and I'm not handling it well. You aren't even in contact anymore.

If i'm like this after 6 days, what's it going to be like when you leave on your operation? I don't like it, not at all. You didn't even want to discuss it, you just said that you were going, because you wanted to.

That's all very well, but discussing it with me first might have been nice. What about how it affects me?

I've been catching up with old friends, and it's been great. I've been by myslef a lot less this week.

I'm just trying to forget how lonely I feel.

I've done everything you've ever wanted of me. All I want is this one thing...

Stay with me.


4/8/07 09:51 pm

I haven't had much to write about lately, hence the "not writing" thing I tried for awhile.

For those who care, and those who don't, I withdrew from my courses for this semester. I got sick, missed out on a bunch of work etc etc so I'm going back next semester.

Also, for no other reason than to mention it, I will be 19 in 8 days. woo.

And for Alex, I miss you so much. I'm sorry we haven't been in touch, but hopefully I can catch you on the net soon.
(Much love and hugs for you)

Other than that, I'm boring, so...



1/20/07 10:40 am

Im off to Tamworth.

Yet again.

Country music and fun awaits ^_^

I wont be back until after the long weekend cause we have MY CHEMICAL ROMANCE!!!!!!!!!!!!

Not that I'm excited :P

Love to all, and have a great holiday.

Love me xoxoxoxo

1/18/07 11:22 pm - I can hardly breathe

I got into uni.

I...got into uni.


I GOT INTO UNI !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

That's right, ladies and gentlemen, I, Sammie, am going to uni.

Newcastle University, Callaghan campus, to be exact.

I got my first choice, a Bachelor of Arts degree, and I'm going to be enrolling very soon.

It's extremely exciting, and if I could string more that 2 words together, I would reflect on all the troubling times I've had getting here.

But, as is, I can only say 4 words.


Love to all,

Sammie xoxoxoxoxoxoxxoxoxo

1/3/07 09:25 pm

So far, my new year has been eventful.

Today, I "offically" became an adult. I transferred my name onto my own medicare card, and I applied for a low income healthcare card.

Of course, this has no bearing on how people will treat me, or anything like that, but medically I am responsible for myself.

Which will be very useful later this year.

The reason it will be useful is because I saw my podiatrist yesterday. It was a routine checkup, for new orthotics. Until I pulled out a list of everything that was wrong with my feet.

This included items such as:  

Feet hurting after 2 hours at work.
 Being unable to walk once standing

Feet turning purple standing on them for short periods of time, etc.

Apparently he's really concerned about the amount of pain I'm in, and it's causing me misery.

Therefore, he suggested I talk to a surgeon about having an operation on my feet.

I'm not exactly sure what it entails, but he reccomends I talk to surgeon, as a serious possibility.

There is a serious amount of recovery time. As in, not being able to walk for 2 months, possibly longer. Then i have to work up the energy to get to work.

I absolutely, positively *want* this operation. I am %100 for it, and I would love for it to happen now.

But it wont. Which means if I get into uni, and i have to have the surgery, I have to defer for a year.

Which i'm not happy about, but i'll deal with.

Alrighty kids, must dash. Jut thought i'd give a small update.

Much love, 


12/23/06 01:35 pm

I am about to go gallavanting off to Tamworth.

But before I go, I just wanted to wish everyone the happiest of Christmasses. (btw, i know it's not a real word, but it's the thought that counts)

I hope each of you get what you want, and deserve.

Lots of love, affection and candy canes.


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